


It's Not Tonight

by IrisInk



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Dates, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oneshot, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-24 17:06:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21821413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrisInk/pseuds/IrisInk
Summary: Virgil can't believe he is going to go on a date with Roman. But somethings might be too good to be trueFor the Sanders Sides Secret Santa 2019
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 12
Kudos: 56
Collections: Sanders Sides Secret Santa 2019





	It's Not Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> Happy holidays everyone!
> 
> Thank you to the amazing dragonwithproblems on tumblr for beta’ing!

Virgil paced, looking at his phone. In a few minutes, Roman would be picking him up for their first date, something Virgil still couldn’t believe. How could someone like Roman ever be interested in someone like Virgil? It was completely lost on him. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. 

"Okay, Roman said he'd come at 9:30, he still has 15 minutes" he muttered. _There is really no reason to be this nervous_ , Virgil tried to reason with himself. Roman had looked just as excited to ask Virgil out, so this is definitely something the both of them want. Virgil checked his phone again. No calls, no texts, nothing. “Alright that’s fine,” _No news is good news,_ He thought, pocketing his phone. And he still had- Virgil fished his phone out again- 11 minutes before Roman got here.

Breathing deeply, he set his phone, face down, on his dresser. and focused on his reflection staring back. Nervously smoothing down his hair, fixing his collar, checking his teeth. Normally, these would be the last things Virgil cared about, but now he couldn’t help but obsess over these little details. Is his outfit okay? Half an hour ago, the purple button down and black jeans seemed perfect. But what if he underdressed? Roman didn’t mention a dress code, but he still easily could have forgotten. _No, no I’m fine,_ Virgil remembered. _I looked up the restaurant and there was no dress code._ He sat down, feeling calmer. _But what if I forgot?_ He grabbed his phone and quickly googled the place again. He was right, no dress code. And he still had 7 minutes. “No more phone,” Virgil said aloud, tossing it to the other side of his room. He lasted 3 minutes before he sighed and picked it back up again.

Still nothing. Which is fine, right? 

“I can send a text right? One text is fine?” Virgil doesn’t know who he’s talking to. He sends a text, just a simple “You on your way?” There. “He should be here soon.” The nervousness, which had started to fade, rose up again. He didn’t try to separate himself from his phone this time, staring at its black screen. 

It’s 9:35 now and there was no sign of Roman. _That’s okay though,_ Virgil tried to placate himself. Roman was never known for his punctuality. That’s it. Traffic is probably bad. It’s definitely that. 

“I can wait a little longer.” Nothing wrong with that. Besides, 5 minutes is barely anything. Not even enough time to send another text. Virgil breathed out slowly, and put his earbuds. Maybe listening to music will help pass the time.

Roman was 30 minutes late, and the little composure Virgil had managed to hold onto was beginning to slip away. 30 minutes late would warrant a text, a call, something, but Virgil’s phone remained blank. Why? What’s taking Roman so long? _I can send another text. Or am I being clingy? What if it’s annoying him?_ Whatever, _I'll text him anyway_. “Is everything alright?” 

20 minutes pass. Nothing. Virgil knew Roman was never going to come. “Why would he just…? He would at least… ” He was rambling now, trying to make sense of any of this, any semblance of composure completely gone. “Why would he just.. not show up? And not tell me? Or say anything? Why is he ignoring me completely? He always has his phone with him why is he not…”

_Of course_ , Virgil realized with a start. _Roman doesn’t want to go on a date with me. He doesn’t want to tell me so he’s just ignoring me._ _God, how did I not realize this._ He took a deep breath trying to calm down. 

“It’s ok,” he told himself. “Now I know and- and I can- I can get on with my life.” He wiped away the tears that threatened to spill out. Collapsing on his bed, Virgil picked up his phone for the last time, hoping something would show up to prove him wrong, anything to refute his realization.

He didn’t know what he was expecting. The phone remained determinedly silent. Staring blankly at the screen, Virgil started to notice how disheveled he looked. His hair, that he spent so much time fixing up, was a complete mess. In a sudden rush of anger, he threw this phone across the room, heat rushing to his face. _All this time I spent trying to get ready, waiting for him, and he can’t even be bothered to text me back._ Any composure he had was gone now, and Virgil could feel himself shaking. _How could he do this to me? I thought he wanted this. I thought…_ He faltered, unable to hold back his tears. _I thought he cared._

Virgil is alone and somehow the silence is deafening. He can’t stop shaking, crying freely now. His shirt collar was tightening, choking him. Why else did he feel like he couldn’t breath, like the walls were closing in? The room was shaking, and his head hurt so, so much. Thinking seemed to cause physical pain, but he couldn’t stop his mind from spinning.

_God I’m so stupid, how did I not realize this? Why did I spend so much time getting ready for this? Why did I get so excited, I should have known something was going to happen. Why can’t anything good happen to me? Why can’t anything go my way? How did I think Roman actually wanted to go on a date with me? Why would Roman would ever like someone like me? Why did I think Roman would ever like me?_

He tried to ground himself, to calm down in any way he knew how. He tried to take deep breaths, but it came out shallow and frantic. _Why do I care so much? Why can’t I just get over this? Why am I so pathetic?_ The shaking was getting worse and worse, and every breath felt laborious. _This is so stupid. I’m so stupid. No wonder Roman backed out. God, I would back out if I were him. Why would he ever want to be with a fuck up like me? Why would anyone want to be with me? Why would anyone want to be near me?_

His head was pounding, aching, and his ears were ringing. _Why won’t the room stop spinning?_ He was clutching arms so hard it hurt, but he made no effort to stop. The pain gave him something to ground himself to, as awful as it was. All he wanted was the room to stop spinning, for the silence to be less deafening, for anything to happen. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_ echoed in his head, refusing to let him have any peace, to have any control over his thoughts. He was sobbing, but everything sounded foreign, like he was being crushed underwater, like he was drowning, every sound felt muffled and far away.

And he couldn’t hear his door open.

“Virgil? Are you there?” Virgil vaguely realized that someone was nearby, but he couldn’t recognize who. “Your door was unlocked, and my phone died and my car broke down and I’m so sorry I’m late and- Virgil?”

With a start, he realized Roman was standing in his doorway, concern filling his face. “Hey,” He managed to croak, still curled up on his bed. He took a deep breath, wiped his eyes and tried to stand, but he was shaking too much, and fell back down. _Jesus I can’t even stand and now Roman sees what a loser I am and he’s never going to want to see me again._ He doesn’t even try to hold back his tears this time, _He’s just doing to turn away and-_

“Hey,” Roman says softly, rushing to Virgil’s side. “Hey Virge. Its okay, its okay. Just breath alright? Are you okay with touching now or... “ Roman looked into Virgil’s eyes with a tenderness, Virgil realized, he was not used to seeing. He shakes his head slightly, not trusting himself to speak. “Okay that’s okay just… listen to my voice.” Roman crouched, never taking his eyes off him. “List off 5 things you can see.”

Virgil took a deep breath, trying to steady his thoughts. “Um, bed, sh-sheets, mirror, dress, uh dresser and… you?”

“Yes! Perfect, uh now 4 things you can hear.”

“You, me, the air con- conditioning and uh,” Virgil can feel himself steadying, focusing as he tries to think. “The birds.”

“3 things you can feel”

“Bed, shirt, blanket.”

“2 things you can smell.”

“Uh, cologne, and um.. Are you wearing cologne?” The shaking stopped. The tears stopped. Virgil can’t hear the ringing in his ears and now, he can feel himself crack a smile.

“I did!” Roman smiled too. “I thought it would be nice but now it just smells weird,” He hesitated for a moment. “Can I touch you now?”

“Yeah,” Immediately Roman sat on the bed, pushing the hair out of Virgil’s eyes. “I’m so sorry I didn’t call you or say anything. I forgot to charge my phone this morning, and my car broke down on my way here. you know I’m shit with cars,” He chuckled, wrapping an arm around Virgil’s shoulder.

“I know, I know, I just…” Virgil laughed weakly, shaking his head. “I overreacted, it was stupid I know.”

“No no no! You weren’t being stupid!” Roman stands up suddenly. “I should have said something. I know how your thoughts run away from you sometimes and…” He looks away, ashamed for a moment. “I.. thought about not coming. When my car broke down, I thought it was some kind of sign. I thought you’d come to your senses eventually and not want to have anything to do with me. We’re so different, and I was afraid you’d realize that and just… not want me around. But I came because I really like you, Virgil, and I want to see where this goes. It’s going to be weird and confusing at first and we’re both going to make mistakes, but I’m willing to make those mistakes for you.”

The tears returned to Virgil’s eyes, but not from despair this time. “I thought you changed your mind. I thought you hated me.”

Roman took Virgil’s hands in his own, looking into his eyes. “You could not be more wrong. I care for you, wholly and truly. Nothing is going to change that.”

“Back at you, nerd.” Virgil grinned, feeling like a huge weight was lifted off his chest, he felt lightheaded, as he pulled Roman back onto the bed, wrapping his arms around Roman’s waist and resting his head on his shoulder. “I- you're being so sappy.”

“How can I not be when I am with the fairest in the land?” Roman gestured wildly, trying- and failing- to look serious. Roman almost knocking Virgil off the bed. He steadied him, and sighed “Y’know we don’t have to waste this date. We definitely missed our reservation, but I don’t really want to go home yet.” Virgil waggled his eyebrows, faux-suggestively, and Roman let out a bellowing laugh in response. “Not like that. Not on the first date, I’m a classy lady. The night is still young, there are _other_ things we can do!”

“Y’know what?” Virgil smiled. “My Disney plus free trial hasn’t ended yet and there is a lot of stuff on there...”

Roman gasped dramatically, slapping a hand to his chest. “It’s unheard of! Our own Virgil, suggesting a Disney marathon? I never thought I’d live to see the day! Why I’m swooning! I might just have to propose right here!”

“Keep it in your pants, princey.” Virgil couldn’t stop grinning. “You know I’ll be arguing the whole time.”

“A feature, not a glitch, my emo nightmare. A man can dream. Besides, you-” He tapped virgil on the nose lightly. “ -haven’t seen Fantasia yet.”

“Is that the racist one?”

“No! Well, a little. Okay it was a product of its time and there are a few scenes that we need to… hey!” Virgil’s shit-eating grin was getting wider and wider. “I see what you’re doing here. And just know it doesn’t discourage me a bit. We can watch as many movies as we can and then argue about them until the sun comes up.”

“Aw I’m swooning,” Virgil batted Roman’s shoulder lightly. 

“What can I say, I’m a romantic,” Roman bounces up, full of energy. “I’m going to make so much popcorn right now. Go wear your pajamas and gather blankets. We are going to make this the best movie date ever.”

“I always like a man in charge..” Virgil smirked as Roman threw a pillow at him in fake outrage before he left. Virgil changed quickly, then scrounged around his room looking for blankets. When he felt that he had amassed a suitably large pile, he picked them up and started to walk out. Before he could leave, he stopped. _Roman’s probably going to want pajamas too._ He looked around quickly and grabbed some. _We’re basically the same size I’m sure they’ll fit._ Tossing them on top of the pile, he shuffled out, trying to balance the pile. 

“Hey, I got you some pajamas if you want to wear ‘em.” Roman looked up from the popcorn, an imperceptible emotion crossing his face for a second. “You don’t have to if you don’t-”

“No, no I’ll wear them, I just…” Roman looked him, impossibly tender. “Just- uh keep your eye on the popcorn.” He moved to take the clothes, his hand brushing over Virgil’s for a moment. “I’ll just be a moment.” 

Virgil stared at the popcorn, not processing it. _He- he really likes me. Like, actually likes me. How... why… ?_ He felt giddy, deliriously happy in a way he hasn’t felt in a long time. _This really was the best outcome_ , he thinks. _Roman doesn’t hate me, and we are on a date. On an actual, real date._

“Alright Virge, it’s movie time!” Roman waltzed out. When Virgil saw him, he felt his face heat up. Virgil’s clothes were, to put it lightly, a little tight on Roman. Not enough to be uncomfortable, but enough to show off his toned body. All of Virgil’s thoughts were replaced with static. He knew he was a little skinny, especially compared to Roman, but this-

“Hey? Earth to Virgil? You okay there?”

“Uh yeah,” Virgil snapped back to reality. “Just zoned out there for a second. The, um, popcorn is done.”

“Wonderful! Now we will truly have an epic movie night!”

Soon hours past by like it was nothing. They watched movie after movie, pausing every now and then to get into heated debates. 

“It’s not Stockholm Syndrome okay! Belle could have left after that thing with the wolves! And she didn’t actually fall in love with him till after he started to treat he with respect! But Gothel and Rapunzel, that’s Stockholm Syndrome!”

“How much time have you spent defending this,” Virgil laughed, as Roman rested his head on his shoulder. “You really had that on lock.”

“More times than I’m proud of, honestly,” Roman said cheerfully. “This is the hill I am fully prepared to die on.”

The two laughed for awhile as Roman chose a new movie. Virgil sighed. He didn’t feel that euphoric happiness anymore. Instead, he felt warm, safe. Like he found a place where he didn’t have to fit, but still belonged. “Hey Roman?”

“Hm?”

“Thanks for sticking around.”

**Author's Note:**

> When I got my assignment, I was a little intimidated at first, since I never wrote angst before. But it was a welcome challenge, and I loved working on it. I hope you enjoyed it!


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